THOUGHTS WHILE MEDITATING

Meditation. I try to do it daily. It’s supposed to be useful. It’s supposed to clear the mind. It’s supposed to aid the development of focused thinking. It’s supposed to bring the practitioner a sense of peace. It’s supposed to promote healthy breathing. It’s supposed to relax the body.

I don’t think I’m doing this right.

When I do this meditation business I start by

sitting in a lotus position. First of all, the back has to be straight. Secondly (actually I don’t remember what comes second); I know the legs are supposed to be folded——one over the other. And, of course the hands rest gently on the knees with fingers of each hand forming a cup: the cup of the left hand to receive the good energy, the finger-cup on the right offering up the vibe so it can be shared.

And I remember to use a little chant. I say “Ohm” so that my mind has something to remind it not to wander into irrelevant thought territory: wondering how the electricity bill almost doubled in one month, or whether to discipline the dog—recently caught with the shreds of my Social Security check in her mouth. And what about the question of how we’ll get to the grocery store while the car’s in the shop and the mechanics try to find out why the brakes work only some of the time.

But here’s my trick: Whenever I discover my mind has left the focus on my breath and is back to “thinking,” I can say: “Ohm,” and switch immediately into meditation mind.

Ohm.

Or is it the right hand finger cup that receives, and the one on the left that gives?

Ohm.

By inhaling deeply, I take in a lot of air which then becomes my breath and does its work of providing oxygen for use by every part of my body.

I wonder what she meant when she said I should grow up? I mean, just because she doesn’t like my opinions. It doesn’t have anything to do with growing up. It’s more about….about….(Oh, I’m distracted again).

Ohm.

The air is greeted at the end of my nostrils and welcomed into my lungs, as I sit quietly, experiencing the life giving force. Breath in. Breath out.  I wonder if it’s okay to scratch my chin.

Ohm.

It really itches.

Ohm.

When I mentioned folding the legs, did I say which one goes on the bottom? It’s important to get that right. Otherwise the legs start to go to sleep and feel weird.

Ohm.

I don’t think my chin is itching as bad. I knew if I just sat here and endured it patiently, the discomfort would go away. I made the itch stop because I accepted it in my heart and then went back to opening my mind to the Universe.

Ohm.

But I don’t think I have my legs positioned right. They’re definitely starting to feel weird. Should I change my legs now or just endure this and hope it doesn’t get too painful? I wonder what’s the best thing to do.

Ohm.

And I’m wondering if it takes two mechanics. One to drive the car and put on the brakes and the other one to see if the car stops.

Ohm.

Now my right eye is bothering me. Even worse than my chin was.

Ohm.

And I think I’m going to sneeze.

Ohm.

If I eat dinner before I go to the meeting I may be late.  But what if the meeting goes really long and then I get hungry?

Ohm.

I remember one time when someone came to the meeting and brought a sack lunch. People still talk about that.

Ohm.

I think it was Edna who brought her food to the meeting.

Ohm.

I don’t want to do that and then have people talking about me.

Ohm.

Or, maybe it was Louise.

Ohm.

If I just eat a quick snack before I leave, it will reduce the hunger that I feel after the meeting.

Ohm

I  always get confused between Edna and Louise.

Ohm.

They both have red hair.

Ohm.

But Edna’s hair is shorter.

Ohm.

Or maybe Louise is the woman with the shorter hair.

Ohm.

Now it feels like my eye is burning. What is that about? Should I rub it?

Ohm.

Boy, I really feel like rubbing my eye. It might be just my imagination. But if there really is something burning it and if I rub it, it might get worse.

Ohm.

That guy in Cleveland I read about rubbed his eye so much he went blind.

Ohm.

Maybe that was fake news. You don’t go blind if you rub your eye too much!

Ohm.

At least I don’t think so.

Ohm.

The whole idea of meditation is to empty the mind and not have thoughts in it. Just concentrate on breathing and be aware of the breath. But when I am aware of something, doesn’t that mean I’m thinking about it?

Ohm.

According to the Mindfulness Center here in New Mexico, there are five facets of mindfulness. I don’t remember what they are.

Ohm.

Oh yeah. One of them is being non judgmental about what I’m experiencing. Am I judgmental about what I’m experiencing?

Ohm.

If I think this is boring, is that being judgmental?

Ohm.

Can’t imagine why the brakes work sometimes and not all the time.

Ohm.

That can be really dangerous.

Ohm.

It’s good that I meditate. It’s something I can do first thing in the morning to take control of my day. Otherwise I don’t have an awareness of myself and if I’m not centered, I start bouncing around from one thing to another.

Ohm.

I want to be in charge of my day. Not the other way around.

Ohm.

Or, as I put it: “Either I ride the horse, or the horse rides me.”

Ohm.

The ten minutes should be up pretty soon. I’ve been meditating almost ten minutes.

Ohm.

But I think I’ve been thinking about other things. It’s the things I think about most of the time.

Ohm.

I  heard the woman who heads the Mindfulness Center say that 90 percent of what we’ll think about today, is what we were thinking about yesterday.

Ohm.

I wonder how much of this time I’ve been just aware of my breath?  Maybe a minute or so.

Ohm.

Or less than that.

Ohm.

And she said 95 percent of what we think about is of no benefit to us whatsoever.

Ohm.

Does that mean only 5 percent of what Einstein thought about had to do with the Theory of Relativity?

Ohm.

Breath in, breath out. Breath in, Breath out. Breath in, breath …..wait a minute, I think the timer just went off!

Yup. I’m through meditating.

Ah! I feel so much more relaxed, so much more in control. Now that I’ve mediated and I’m ready to take charge of the day.

11 thoughts on “THOUGHTS WHILE MEDITATING

  1. After reading about your meditation experience I now need to clear my own mind – and as you so vividly illustrate, “tis far easier to fall asleep to clear thy mind than ’tis to meditate! (ZZZZ trumps Ohm when one wishes to become mindless.)

  2. Your meditation piece is Very funny and very true. Only briefly can I clear my mind of thoughts.

  3. I’m stuck on how you got into the lotus position and wondering how you got up after 10 minutes. Some things are just a mystery.

  4. It’s clear to me that your mind is fractured beyond repair…the om likely will do you little good. Personally, I have ommed my way to nirvana years ago; i am totally enlightened and look downward from the heights of the mountain that I occupy daily. You may rise up a ledge or two on the trajectory of the mountain if you can control your mundane thoughts.

  5. I don’t understand: they say “my comment is awaiting moderation.” Do I need a moderator? Is this some kind of t.v. talk show? A show devoted to separating fact from fiction?

  6. Very funny, Bill. You’ve definitely captured the way our minds work. Meditation is NOT easy – but you just may have inspired me to try it again! Thanks

  7. Ha, ha! Thanks for your insight on what seems to be so difficult, yet occasionally so rewarding…
    Bill, you deserve a chocolate chip cookie!

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